"TAKE
TIME FOR YOUR LIFE" by Cheryl Richardson
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This Book
=============================================
Additional thoughts
of Graham White in highlights.
Coaching is action
oriented, with a focus on a client's current life and plans for the
future. a well-trained, experienced coach should know when a client
needs therapy instead of coaching.
Clients want a
partner who will remind them of their greatness when they forget, give them
the tools to get unstuck, and challenge them to take actions in spite of their
fears.
A coaching
relationship is a partnership between two equals. Relationships with
clients are based on the belief the client is intelligent, mature and capable
people who want support in defining achieving their goals.
- Coaches must ask
provocative questions. They need to rely on the inner wisdom of
their clients to provide important insight into what is needed to plan the
next step.
- Coaches give direct
advice and information. Drawing on personal experience as well as
work with others, coaches provide a variety of expertise and
resources. This helps clients to avoid the mistakes that others have
made.
- Coaches provide the
focus and structure of ongoing support needed to stay in action.
They celebrate their clients success, hold their hands through difficult
periods and act as a steward for the lives they most want. Coaches
are partners having only their client's success as their agenda.
A client
will work towards achieving the following 7 steps:
1. Put yourself at the top
of the list. Learn to make the practice of self-care your
priority. Build a strong relationship with yourself and connect to the
inner voice of wisdom that reflects your true desires.
2. Get your priorities
straight. Stop reacting to life and start taking control of what
gets your attention and time. Set new priorities that mirror what's
really important to you and learn strategies to ensure that they are honored.
3. Determine what's draining
you. Identify and eliminate what drains you, whether it's a disorganized
office, a cluttered home or a friend that constantly complains and drains your
energy.
4. Invest in your financial
health. Learn specific ways to get your finances in order and build
reserves so that you no longer feel like a victim of life. Attract more
money by practicing basic money management skills.
5. Determine what motivates
you. Replace adrenaline with healthy forms of energy--like the
company of good friends, fun exercise and activities that fulfill you.
6. Build a supportive
community. Surround yourself with a community of high-quality
relationships that will support, challenge and encourage you to be your best.
7. Develop spiritual and
mental well-being. Take time for the most important relationship of
all-the connection to your inner voice of wisdom. Begin to work towards
a habit of spending time every day connecting to the things that have deep
relevance to you and what your contribution to the world is.
-Your life is not your work.
Work may be part of your life, but it is not your life.
-the "Myth of More":
search for happiness through the pursuit of more money, better jobs, nicer
things and fancier vacations.
-reward yourself along the way as you
complete various parts of your projects.
SAY NO UNLESS IT'S AN ABSOLUTE
YES!
-your Absolute Yes list must
be filled with things that are truly important to you.
If you're like most people, you
probably find yourself saying yes to things that are not a priority to
you. For example, you may agree to have dinner with a coworker simply
because they asked you several times and you feel obligated. You might
take on an extra project at work, adding to your stress level, because you
want to be seen as a hard worker. Or a family member calls in the middle
of dinner and instead of telling them you'll call back and enjoying your meal,
you stay on the phone and start to feel aggravated as the conversation drags
on. These kinds of choices, often made quickly without much thought,
will rob you of your most precious gift of time.
Challenge yourself to put some space
between a request for your time and the response. Tell them that you'll
get back to them with your answer and take time to think about it.
-Know where your time goes--how you
spend your time reveals your priorities.
-Decide what you want!
Let your inner wisdom guide you to set the right priorities.
-Create an Absolute Yes list and let
it inspire you to live a great life.
-Honor your priorities--bring them
into your daily life, learn to say no and most of all, take time for you!
TOOL TO DETERMINE WHAT DRAINS YOU pgs
83-85
As you take care of the things that
distract you and drain your energy, you'll create time and energy to apply to
things you want to enjoy.
FINANCES
-Most of us have never received any
basic training in the art of handling money. It seems we go straight
from independent, carefree childhood to the fiscal responsibilities of
adulthood. Feeling insecure about money, we rarely seek help until we
find ourselves in debt, approaching middle age and struggling to save or
coming up short at the end of the month. The way we handle money may be
based on the way our parents handled money and chances are, they didn't receive
any training either.
Once you take full responsibility for
your financial health, money stops being a source of frustration and starts to
flow into your life naturally. It's
NOT a matter of making more money. (Parable of the master and servants
looking after the talents).
Most people don't have an accurate
account of what it costs to live each month or where their money goes. Do
you know how much it costs just to drive across town to visit a friend?
How about how much money you spend at the convenience store on snacks?
Any idea what you spend eating out?
What's your attitude toward managing
money? Do you avoid thinking about it, expecting money to just take care
of it yourself? Do you obsess over every penny, trying to gain control
over your worry and anxiety? If you are someone who never balances you
checkbook, pays your bills late or puts off filing your tax returns, then how
can you trust yourself to handle more?
Delayed gratification is an important
muscle to build. Giving up something you really want for the sake of
your financial health sends a very strong message to yourself that you're
trustworthy with more.
MOST
OF WHAT PREVENTS US FROM ACCOMPLISHING SOMETHING WE'RE NOT DOING RIGHT NOW IS
NOT KNOWING HOW! That's where tools and coaching comes in.
A sound financial
plan is the ONLY guarantee for a sound financial future.
- From: I must work
hard to make a lot of money.
- To:
I make money by working smart.
- From: I always have
just enough to get by.
- To:
I always have more than enough.
- From: I can never
really be debt free.
- To:
I enjoy the freedom of living debt free.
- From: If I make too
much, people will want some.
- To:
Abundance is my right, and I decide who I help.
- From: I can't be
spiritual and have lots of money.
- To:
God wants to provide abundantly for me.
Don't
Just Celebrate Achieving Your Goals, Enjoy the Journey!
Create a Grateful
State of Mind
- Focus on what you
have in your life that makes you happy
- Determine the things
you have right now that you can contribute to the benefit of others
- Instead of getting
together to complain about your life, talk about what IS going well
Experiences cost
little or no money, yet bring substantial joy.
- Have dinner at your
place or a friends.
- Spend time with
friends.
- Read a good book.
- Make love.
- Take a long hot bath
or shower.
- Take a walk with a
loved one, or by yourself.
- Have a games night.
PAY YOUR BILLS ON
TIME
- Coordinate the dates
of when bills are due. Most companies are happy to do this and it
will make it easier to pay all your bills at the same time each month.
- Use electronic home
banking. Most banks allow you to automate your bill payments
directly from your account.
- Pay
all your bills first and put all the money aside for the rest of the
months expenses before you spend money on entertainment, eating out,
clothes, etc.
ELIMINATE DEBT
- Make a list of all
outstanding debt.
- Pay off the debt
with the highest rate of interest first.
- When you eliminate
one debt, have an inexpensive celebration
START SAVING
- Buy
your own home. At a minimum, if you own a home with a basement suite
you can rent, you shouldn't starve to death when you retire.
- Aim
to put aside a minimum of $100 for every member of your family a
month. You may need to start at $10/month, or even $1/month, but
start and built your way over the course of a number of years of
responsibility until you are saving $250/person in your household.
This will pay for retirement and your children's education.
- Begin
educating yourself on investing. Read, hire a financial planner and
know what is happening with your money.
Cheryl
Richardson, a coach and previously a financial planner, did not have her own
book keeping done. After being challenged by her own coach, she spent 12
hours organizing her books onto Quicken. The following year, she noticed
her income had risen by 35%. By eliminating the things that are holding
us back, we begin to experience success in all the other areas of our life.
ARE YOU HEADED FOR
A HEART ATTACK OR NERVOUS BREAKDOWN? pg 144
Walk through your
home. Take note of how each room makes you feel. Do you feel
relaxed and peaceful, or agitated and overwhelmed? rite down the
specific changes you need to make in each room in order to contribute to your
feeling of relaxation and contentment:
Bedroom___________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Office
_____________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Kitchen
____________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Living room
_________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Bathroom
__________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Storage Area
________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Garage
____________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Other Area
_________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Car
_______________________________________________
__________________________________________________
WHAT'S FUELING YOU
pgs 153-155
MAKE HEALTH EASY,
MAKE EXERCISE FUN
Determine
realistic steps you can take and maintain for the next 6-12 months, no matter
what comes up. Don't set up a plan that will only work if everything is
perfect in your life, set up a plan that is easy. Maybe you choose the
first Saturday in the month to be the one day you do all the right
things. As you experience continued success with this, add on another
day, then every Saturday, then every weekend etc. Start with what you
KNOW you can do, not what you HOPE you can do.
VISUALIZE
YOUR IDEAL LIFE
Remember
how fun it was at Christmas to go through the Sears catalog and circle or cut
out all of the things you want? Cut out pictures from catalogs
and magazines of the things you'd like to have in your life. Glue them
to a backing in a way that is appealing to you and add any affirmations or
words that inspire you.
BE
OUTRAGEOUS. Fuel yourself by doing something wild and extravagant every
now and then. Create a list of things that you'd love to do. They
can be free or extravagant. Make sure you do one at least once every 3
months.
- Is there a place
you've always wanted to visit?
- Are there people
you'd like to spend more time with?
- Is there a hobby
you've wanted to begin or do more?
- What would you do if
you had a day to do whatever you want?
- Is there a book
you've always wanted to read, or reread?
- Is there a sport or
activity that you've wanted to try, but haven't, maybe because it scares
you a little?
- Is there a class or
workshop you've wanted to take?
- Is there a culture
you've wanted to learn about?
- Is there a new
career direction you'd like to explore?
Pick one and take
action within the next 24 hours. You
can choose a very small action, even just writing down a list of resources
that will help you accomplish your goal.
CREATING YOUR
COMMUNITY
Life is too
short. Our lives our made richer by the relationships that we
share with each other. When you come to the end of your life, what
will you remember most? Will you want others to know how much
money you've made? The successful careers you've had? The
education you received? Of course not. You'll want others to
know how much you love them and how much you appreciated the opportunity
to share your life with them. You'll want to feel loved and
connected in a way that leaves no room for regret.
Our busy
lives keep us disconnected from each other (even the people we live
with), and we miss out on opportunities to experience the kind of
connection that touches your heart and makes you feel grateful for
someone's presence in your life. Community makes us whole.
It heals us, challenges us to be authentic, and most important, teaches
us to love--ourselves and each other.
Begin to put
yourself into a community of individuals who are committed to doing
whatever it takes to create the life that they love. It's
extremely important to have a loving community that will support and
encourage you as you change your life for the better.
It can be
very painful to realize that you've outgrown a relationship and
unsettling to those who feel like they've been left behind. You
must develop new relationships that support you, or you will be pulled
back into the life you were trying to leave behind.
Avoid those
who blame everything and everyone for their problems. Avoid those
who constantly complain about their situation. Avoid those who are
always asking for help to bail them out of the circumstances they've
created. Avoid those who criticize you and put you down.
Avoid those who "poo-poo" your new ideas and direction in
life. Avoid those who gossip about you or others behind their
backs.
WHO'S IN YOUR
COMMUNITY? TAKE INVENTORY:
- What friends
build you up and motivate you?
- Who do you
trust to bare your soul to?
- Who is in your
professional community?
- What experts
do you have to do the tasks you aren't able to do yourself? (house
and vehicle maintenance, lawyer, accountant, dentist, doctor etc.)
- Who is in your
emotional and spiritual community?
- What relatives
do you enjoy spending time with?
- Who would you
like to get to know better?
- What experts
do you need to develop? (This is more important than most people
recognize. The amount of time and stress you save by having a
well developed professional team is substantial).
It is
risky to reach out to others. You may be rejected or
disappointed. It feels incredibly vulnerable to admit that you'd
like to develop new relationships, regardless of your age. Since
most of us long for a connection with others, the odds are in your
favor. Be willing to risk giving it a try.
Our
lives are not pre-ordained. God does not put the difficult
circumstances or rewards in our life. It is our ability to choose
how we deal with any circumstance that makes us special. God
doesn't want good people to suffer or die or evil people to prosper any
more than we do, but he has given us free will. That free will is
the gift that allows us the choice of how we respond to our
circumstances. We can make the right choice, or the wrong choice;
we can make a loving choice or a selfish choice. It's up to us.
You
can't have a deep relationship with someone, not even yourself if you're
overwhelmed by life. If you don't know yourself, you don't know
what your gifts are and have no idea what your "authentic
self" actually is. You must first begin to organize your life
and look after the areas that are out of balance before you have the
ability to know what it is you have to offer the world.
At one point
or another, we long for more meaning in our lives--a sense of
purpose. Trying to hear your inner wisdom beneath the roar of a
busy life makes this an impossible task. Once we're in the rat
race, we quickly lose the ability to listen to our inner self, let alone
maintain constant connection to a spiritual way of life.
In order to
being identifying our most important goals again, we need to eliminate
the things that stand in the way of living the fulfilled, authentic life
we desire. We need to live a life based on inner truth.
RECALL A
SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE
- Walking down
the sidewalk and having a profound sense of being loved and affirmed
by God.
- At a symphony
feeling like you're one with the music.
- Watching your
child being born and understanding on a deep level what real love
is.
- Visiting
church and connecting to God in a way that makes you feel connected.
- Remember a
time when you had a gut instinct about a direction you should have
moved in. Remember the regret about what happened when you
didn't follow the directions.
DESIGN YOUR SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
- Find a space
that feels right to you. It may be in the corner of a room,
out on a walk or somewhere private.
- Create the
mood that facilitates meditation/ communication with your inner
wisdom, God or sense of purpose and truth.
QUALITY OF LIFE CHECKLIST
- Are you taking
extremely good care of yourself? Do you take time out of your
schedule every week just for you?
- Have you
updated your Absolute Yes list in the last 3-6 months and does your
schedule reflect these priorities?
- Are you
tolerating any person, place or thing that is draining your energy?
- Are you living
within your means, saving consistently, and investing wisely?
- Are you
fueling your body, mind and spirit with good sources of growth?
- Are you strengthening
your soulful connections with the important people in your life?
- Are you
consistent with your spiritual practice, listening and acting on the
wisdom of your inner voice?
CHARACTERISTICS OF AUTHENTIC
LIVING
- A willingness
to take full responsibility for everything that happens.
- A high level
of integrity and a desire to continually raise the bar.
- A belief that
you are part of a greater whole and every action matters.
- A strong
commitment to serve others
- An enormous
capacity for love and compassion.
http://www.cherylrichardson.com
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