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** RELATING TO OTHERS **
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The following is
from an e-mail from someone who gained personal insight into how to relate to
others better. On the Meyers-Briggs Personality Scale, they are an INTP (Introverted/Intuitive/Thinking/Perceiver),
who does not naturally understand or desire to have smooth relationships with
others at the cost of "giving up" part of themselves in the process.
I am sharing it with you because I feel it is deeply insightful.
HERE IS THE E-MAIL:
I realized that I was spending my life arguing and looking at only my side of
issues and that I was continually frustrated and angry… and
unsuccessful.
I was the one with the problem. I was the one who was unhappy.
I can't change others' abilities, but I can change my behavior. Even though I
didn't agree with them, the fact that others perceived me as being wrong made
looking into the possibility that I might be wrong worth exploring.
The fact is, if I want to be successful in the work environment, it's
necessary to learn how to work with people, whether I respect them or not. I
found that I grew to respect others, because I was able to see their
strengths, instead of being so stubbornly focused on their
weaknesses.
I always had an uncomfortable ability to sense when others were reacting
negatively to me. It used to make me miserable, because I didn't know why it
was happening or how to change it.
Now I'm able to analyze the situation and alter my behavior for more effective
communication. I'm able to understand how my words or my body language make
people react negatively by imagining how I might perceive it in their shoes.
It has helped in both my personal and professional life. I actually feel TRUER
to myself now than before, when I was sticking to my guns all the time.
To help me better understand others with personalities different from mine, I
have created relationships with people who can help me balance my areas of
weakness.
Everyone has different strengths and brings different assets to a
relationship. Sensory-Judgers, whose nature is the opposite of mine, help a
lot, because they can help me (an Intuitive-Perceiver) with the important
logistical details that are necessary to make ideas successful.
I don't think of those details until it's too late. Conversely, I can
help them with problem solving. People with different abilities can compliment
and bolster each other. It is not necessary to butt heads with people who have
opposing or different ideas than me!
Through experience and maturity, I chose to adopt this attitude rather than
"I am who I am. If you don't like it, then that's your problem."
That attitude got me nowhere. I was frustrated that people thought I was mean,
because I don't perceive myself as mean. Others not liking me proved to be MY
problem more than theirs. They could just avoid me or write me off as an
"insensitive jerk". I was having few successes and A LOT of
confrontation.
While I firmly believe that "I am who I am", I learned that who I am
is capable of growth, emotional development, tact, and diplomacy. I get more
respect from people now than I did when I expected it simply on the basis of
my self-perceived "superiority".
If I want THEIR perceptions of me to change, the only way to make it happen is
to change MY behavior. It comes down to priorities: If I want to be successful
at something and one approach isn't working, then I must change my approach.
It IS possible to alter my behavior while remaining true to myself. Changing
my behavior is different from changing my nature.
That's my two cents! (Anonymous Author)
Graham White www.incrediblepotential.com
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If you are
currently dealing with a challenge or you are deeply concerned about the
situation of another but don't know how to help, e-mail your question for a
reply with the specific strategies that you can implement in yourself to
encourage them to change.
info@incrediblepotential.com
Graham White www.incrediblepotential.com
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