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** HELP YOUR CHILDREN REACH THEIR ULTIMATE POTENTIAL - written by Nigel
Lane **
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1. Don't limit them.
Often we can stifle the imagination of our children by passing comment in a
negative way; it can even be communicated by our tone of voice. We need to be
careful what signals we give and make only positive, challenging comments that
will not put limits on their thinking. (Also note number 6.)
2. Remove obstacles - empower, support.
If there is any way we can make their path smoother by removing anything that
could get in their way then we should do it. Our job is to give them the power
to make it in life, to offer support, to give them the head start they need.
3. Listen and respect them.
Many young people I work with feel that their parents just don't understand,
and partly this is because the parents haven't listened to their daughter or
son. You see they do live in a different world to the world that existed when
we were their age. We need to respect these differences and respect them for
the way they have to deal with different pressures and expectations.
4. Don't expect them to live out your unfulfilled potential.
This can be a big one - where you wanted to be a doctor, but for whatever
reason didn't make it; so you now want, expect that your child become a
doctor. This doesn't work where the young person is interested in something
totally different. They will need their own dream and their own desires,
otherwise motivation will be difficult if not impossible.
5. Release them - let the fledglings fly.
There will come a time when we have to let them go. For an eagle to fly it has
to be pushed out of the nest. I am not suggesting we go that
far, but we certainly need to give them the freedom to try it on their own
(but keep reading to the next point as well).
6. Watch attentively and be there when needed.
Of course when they fly we don't forget about them and our love for them does
not diminish. The balance comes in allowing them to fall but not to entirely
fail. To be there when needed (from their perspective) but yet not to
interfere.
7. Give them unconditional love and acceptance.
One place that should be a haven of love and acceptance for a young person is
the family. Many times they will do things that seem
difficult to agree with BUT that doesn't allow the parent to stop loving.
Love, in its true sense, is not conditional upon behaviour. The journey to
adulthood is not an easy one but will be helped by feeling and being accepted
for who they are, not for what they achieve.
8. Affirm them.
One way that they will know that they are accepted is through the powerful
means of affirmation. Tell them that you accept them; find positive words to
say - they will hear enough negativity throughout their life to allow you to
run the risk of being positive all the time.
9. Encourage them.
En-courage - give them courage. If you love, accept and affirm them then they
will automatically become encouraged. Their level of courage will directly
affect their willingness to take risks. Their willingness to take risks will
have a definite link with them reaching their ultimate potential.
10. Hire a coach for them.
Of course sometimes they won't always listen to the best advice if it comes
from Mom or Dad. Please don't feel rejected - it is the norm as young people
grow up and work out their own values and belief systems. However this is
where a coach can be of great benefit. A personal coach works similarly to a
sports coach - except the game is called life. [Or you could hire a coach for
yourself!]
About the Author
Nigel Lane is the Head Coach at teencoach.org
FREE monthly newsletter on Understanding Your Teenager send a blank email to
mailto:TeenCoach-subscribe@topica.com
- Visit the website for free AtoZ lists www.teencoach.org. Helping parents
enjoy the white water ride called adolescence.
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If you are
currently dealing with a challenge or you are deeply concerned about the
situation of another but don't know how to help, e-mail your question for a
reply with the specific strategies that you can implement in yourself to
encourage them to change.
info@incrediblepotential.com
Graham White www.incrediblepotential.com
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